May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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