hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
