R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize