My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
