why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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