Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
