I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
