the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
