so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize