I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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