I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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