I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize