so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize