Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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