i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
