Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
