i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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