I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
