wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
