Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
