Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize