we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
