yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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