I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
