remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
