I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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