I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
