I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
