I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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