Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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