I'm really into asian looking animals
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
