Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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