Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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