All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He felt like a one man threesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
