In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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