morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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