i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
