Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
