Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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