I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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