I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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