He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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