I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
smell my finger.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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