now i know why i became what i already was.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
