It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
