It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize