You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
