Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
