Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
