I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
North Korea, Best Korea!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
