nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
