My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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