just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
