Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
