Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
