this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
