how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
