Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize