The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
