shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
