I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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