Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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